"To be alive, to be able to see, to walk, to have a home,…friends – it’s all a miracle. I have adapted the technique of living life from miracle to miracle."
–Arthur Rubenstein

"Isn’t everything you have and everything you are sheer gifts from God?"
–I Corinthians 4:7-8

Past Questions of the Month:

Hope and Assurance

This website was created for those acquainted with mental illness and in need of hope and assurance.

Question of the Month

If you have a question that you would like addressed, or have comments or suggestions, please let me hear from you. Contact: carolyn@hopeandassurance.com

I take medication for depression and anxiety.  I don’t have friends.  I don’t get out or call anybody much.  It’s too hard to do anything other than what I have to do.  I’d like friends but how do I find them?

Thank you for your wonderful question that touches most of us at some time.  If we’re not lonely, we probably know someone who doesn’t get out.  If we find making and keeping friends easy, we see others who struggle to share and relax around others.  Although friendship blesses our emotional health by meeting vital needs, it can feel unattainable for some.

Have you considered why you want a friend?  What do you want this friend to do for you and with you?  Whatever your answers are, know that these are the very qualities that will make you feel special and cared about.  Practice learning to give what you want and you will find your own needs fulfilled.

Wanting a friend has a flip side for we also yearn to be a friend.  We yearn to give and receive.  We desire to love and be loved.  We want to understand and be understood.  If only, someone would value what we had to say and their love would never change no matter what we revealed.  These are the life-giving treasures that a true friend brings.

Friendship takes time.  It is an investment in another person’s life.  Love believes someone else is more important than us.  They are worth our effort.  It exhibits itself in actions more than words.  The deepest friendships begin with a simple word or a single action.

Even a depressed and anxious person can start with one.  One card to someone to remember a special occasion.  One phone call to say hi and share one positive thing about yourself and them.  One short walk outside.  Every thing that has ever been done, whether great or small, good or evil, began with one.  You learned to walk, and later run, hop and skip by taking one step.  Not getting out, began by choosing that one time to stay home rather than go.

When we want something different, we have to do something different.  Starting small can be a good way to minimize the stress that comes from doing something uncomfortable.

Start in your own neighborhood or family with someone you like and want to know better.  Invite them to go for one short walk with you.  Ask them over to watch one TV show.  Play a card game together.  Share a sample of your favorite recipe.  Think about what you enjoyed before your depression.  Take one step in that direction.  Then, next week or the week after, do like you did when you first learned to walk.  Start taking two steps instead of one.  Then clap for yourself and take a bow.  Tell yourself how good you’ve done and speak of the progress you’ve made and the obstacles you’ve overcome.  (Remember…practice learning to give what you want.)

Don’t forget to reach out and hold God’s hand.  He’s right there beside you, walking every step with you.  He’s already gone before you to prepare this new way in love for you.  Rely on Him and His word when the way gets tough or unsure for He is the Way, the Life and the Truth and is worthy of your trust.