Right now, Somebody needs your support. Somebody needs you to have faith in them. Somebody wants to be forgiven. Somebody needs to know your love is unconditional. -- Author Unknown

Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.
   Ephesians 4:32

Past Questions of the Month:

Hope and Assurance

This website was created for those acquainted with mental illness and in need of hope and assurance.

Question of the Month

My spouse left me with our two children to raise. I feel I have forgiven him and have even prayed for his life to be blessed but I am still very angry toward him. I feel that if he would just apologize to me and admit what he did wrong, then my anger would be gone. What should I do?

It is very hard to forgive and forget such a deep hurt. Sometimes it is too hard for us to do on our own and we must ask God to change our heart. You have made progress in letting go of pride and stubbornness to be able to pray for blessings on his new life.

Wanting someone to apologize to us so we can stop being angry is saying that we are not responsible for our anger and we can’t do anything about it until someone does what we want first. This really is an excuse to keep being angry. It is also a way of refusing to let go of the dream of having that wonderful marriage and family that was taken away against your will. If your ex came back and did apologize, that would mean he understood how he hurt you and how wrong he was to do and say the things he did. Then everything would be made right and your dream would be intact once again. You need to truly let go of all that you lost and know that it is over and finished. No amount of magical thinking will change it or bring it back.

The decision to forgive and let go of all the promises and dreams that were entwined in the past is for our benefit. It is living in the reality of the present and the promise of the future that we thrive. To keep looking back, shows our refusal to accept the facts of the situation. Our grasp is still on what we wanted and the way we wanted it.

Anger held within our heart is poison to our physical, emotional, and spiritual health. It’s influence taints every future relationship with a wall of distrust, a readiness to walk away rather than walk through a hard situation, and a belief that shouts nothing good can ever come to us. Mind, body, and soul interact as one being. One is not sick without the other suffering. One is not vibrant without the other prospering.

We must make the choice to drop all charges against the person who has hurt us whether they do what we want them to or not. Every time the past enters our mind to entrap us, we need to refuse to go there. How we live in the present is our gift to ourselves and our children. Our children never stop watching and learning from us. Lead them well by living joyfully in the present and expectantly for the future. Show them by your life that hard times can be welcomed as our best teacher because they turn our faces to God. We find He is faithful and wants to bless and restore in ways we could not have imagined.

Contact

I welcome your comments and suggestions about this website. If you have a question that you would like addressed, please let me hear from you.

My email address is carolyn@hopeandassurance.com.