"It is what you do that ulitmately determines your evaluation and respect for yourself - like taking uncomfortable risks and stretching yourself and persevering through difficult challenges."

-Dr. Laura Schlessinger

And it shall be that before they call I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.

Isaiah 65:24

Past Questions of the Month:

Hope and Assurance

This website was created for those acquainted with mental illness and in need of hope and assurance.

Question of the Month

If you have a question that you would like addressed, or have comments or suggestions, please let me hear from you. Contact: carolyn@hopeandassurance.com

I have such difficulty with self-esteem. Would you write about this, please?

Many years ago, I made the decision to marry because I believed no one else would have me. I did not have boundaries with anyone and could not set limits with my children. The familiar doormat analogy described me well.

Pleasing others and doing what I thought they wanted me to do defended me from possible rejection and hurt. My primary concern was to keep everyone happy by doing what they wanted. By never rocking the boat, I felt assured of their favor and love.

The inability or unwillingness to protect, nurture, and respect myself came from what I believed about myself. I did not know I had great value and deserved esteem and honor.

I could not remember when anyone had listened to what I had to say or cared about what I thought. I knew no one would defend me or believe in me if I had difficulties. I would feel that I got what I deserved because somehow I was to blame. Physical or emotional harm was something I had coming because I didn't do things right or good enough.

When I began believing what God says about me more than I believed what others have said or what I say to myself, I was able to accept God's unconditional love for me. Then I had what I needed to give healthy love to others.

I want to protect, defend, and treasure myself now because I have worth and value. I began placing boundaries around what is important to me to keep it safe from harm. Others are not allowed to abuse, mistreat, or neglect what I hold in high regard.

When I say I do not deserve anything good and that I am a nobody not worth defending, I am sinning against my Heavenly Father Who created me in His image and for His glory. Do you know that God created you for a unique purpose and has a plan for your life? Would you suffer great physical pain and die for someone who was not very special and of little value? Jesus did suffer greatly and died a horrible death for you. Was He all wrong about you? Did He not really know you and make a mistake by doing this for you? No, not at all. He knows you much better than you know yourself. If you knew yourself like Jesus knows you, you would understand how precious you are to Him.

When I talk about what is wrong with me and how incapable I am of doing anything different, I am speaking of God's inability to help, teach, change, and deliver me. When I let fear rule my life, I am shouting out for all to hear that my God cannot be trusted to keep His promises.

There was much I needed to confess to God concerning my unbelief about myself. Open your heart to Him. Ask His help in accepting His great love for you. Ask Him to help you see yourself through His eyes and to love the things about yourself that He loves. Ask Him to help you understand how beautifully and perfectly He has made you. God makes no mistakes – only one-of-a-kind treasures of great beauty and worth.