“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”
– Mother Teresa

Past Questions of the Month:

Hope and Assurance

This website was created for those acquainted with mental illness and in need of hope and assurance.

Question of the Month

If you have a question that you would like addressed, or have comments or suggestions, please let me hear from you. Contact: carolyn@hopeandassurance.com

I've tried so hard to help my son but nothing changes. What can I do or say so he will listen? His life could be so much better.

Unfortunately, there is nothing anyone can do or say to make a person listen – no matter how wonderful and life enhancing the message may be. Your son must want to listen. He must be at a point in his life where he feels a need to change and is looking for answers.

Sometimes our trying so hard to help interferes with our loved one feeling the full impact of their poor choices. Their consequences become manageable and bearable by our eagerness to intervene and fix. Often times, it is the pain of loss, inconvenience, hard work, embarrassment, and having to do without that motivates someone to change.

When I examined my motives for wanting to help my son again and again to no avail, I realized my guilt for past failures in his life was prompting me to try to undo my wrongs. I wanted to help him so that I could feel better about myself. It was about me.

I did what I did in my son's childhood and that's that. I can't keep trying to undo the past or make amends for it. It is over and gone. The reasons for my choices back then are meaningless for today.

What does matter are the choices I make today and tomorrow for the rest of my life. They can impact my son for good and give me hope for his future. So I must start with myself and be the person I want him to be. I can begin by confessing my mistakes to my son and asking for his forgiveness.

I must learn to truly love him just the way he is today. I must find enjoyment in him and learn to delight in him. There are many reasons to do so but I usually choose to dwell on and see only what is lacking. My loving acceptance of him will draw him to me while my faultfinding pushes him away. I show him profound respect by expressing my belief and confidence in his ability to solve his own problems when he is ready. When I speak of the man I know he will be someday because of qualities he displays now, I am using encouragement to create a mental picture in his mind of who he can become.

My job is to love my son. God's job is to fix him. I do not want to get in the way of God's perfect work and timing any longer.

I give my son to You again, dear Lord. Do with him as You see best. I trust You to be faithful and to love him even more tenderly that I do. I thank you right now for what You are doing in my son's heart and mind. Help me to be patient and confident even when I see no outward evidences of Your work in him. Thank you for forgiving my wrongs and taking away the guilt associated with them by Your death on the cross. Help me to give this burden back to You again and again until I feel the weight of it no longer. In Jesus' name. Amen.