“If you notice something evil in yourself, correct it; if something good, take care of it; something beautiful, cherish it; if something sound, preserve it; if something unhealthy, heal it. Do not weary of reading the commandments of the Lord, and you will be adequately instructed by them so as to know what to avoid and what to go after.”

– Bernard of Chartres, French Scholar, Twelfth Century

Past Questions of the Month:

Hope and Assurance

This website was created for those acquainted with mental illness and in need of hope and assurance.

Question of the Month

If you have a question that you would like addressed, or have comments or suggestions, please let me hear from you. Contact: carolyn@hopeandassurance.com

I have so much guilt about my divorce and my children. I've done so many things wrong and will never forgive myself for the hurt I have caused them. Can you help me?

As I read what you wrote, I heard such deep sadness and anguish. I'm not sure there is anything that hurts like the self-inflicted pain of guilt and unforgiveness directed against ones self.

This is a good place to be for the time it takes to understand and confess our role in the problems but this is not a good place to stay in order to punish ourselves. As quickly as God makes us aware it is time to move on, we need to begin learning how to make things right. Just as a small child allows her parent to clean up the mess from the broken glass and spilled milk, we can learn to entrust our grownup messes to our Heavenly Father Who promises to bring good out of the bad – even the bad we have created.

God is eager to help us. He waits patiently for us to admit our inadequacies and allow Him to mold and shape us into the precious person He envisioned and planned for a purpose before we were even in our mother's womb.

There are reasons your marriage failed and your children have been deeply hurt. Explore this with a Christian therapist or spiritually mature friend whom you trust and begin acquiring the skills necessary for building healthy, loving relationships.

In my own life, I needed to know much more about effective communication skills. I did not know how to express my needs, wants, and feelings. Listening to others with empathy rather than judgment was another area I knew little about. No one has been raised by perfect parents. We can all benefit from wise Godly teaching and modeling.

Understand that you can begin living your life in a way that will promote healing in your children's lives. With God's help, the counsel of Christian therapists and friends, and your contrite and willing spirit, your sorrows can be replaced with joy.

You have the opportunity to give your children the wonderful gifts of showing them how to forgive others and yourself, that learning new skills at any age is possible, and that when you let God take control of your life amazing things happen.

You cannot change what has occurred thus far in your life but you can change what you do from now on. Every morning you wake up is a gift of time that allows you to begin afresh undoing the past by creating a new future for you and your children.