“There was that law of life, so cruel and so just, that one must grow or else pay more for remaining the same.”
– Norman Mailer

“…let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect His will really is.”
– Romans 12:2

Past Questions of the Month:

Hope and Assurance

This website was created for those acquainted with mental illness and in need of hope and assurance.

Question of the Month

If you have a question that you would like addressed, or have comments or suggestions, please let me hear from you. Contact: carolyn@hopeandassurance.com

What am I to do? It seems everything about my teenage child disappoints me and their behavior is embarrassing to me. They are doing things I know nothing about and I feel I have no control over their lives. I am completely overwhelmed and don’t know where to begin.

Oh!….how my heart goes out to you!  I ache for you and grieve with you. I am not sure anything hurts like a wayward child.

But, please, please know there is hope and assurance from our God that His promises to His children are as real today for us as they were when the lives of the Old Testament men and women were being lived out. Become familiar with the lives of David, Joseph and Jacob in the book of Genesis. Oh!, the troubles they had and the messes they got into by their own shortcomings! See again and again how God’s hand of love was right there through it all. Notice that God turned actions meant for harm to their good and that their greatest fears never materialized when they followed God’s directions and ways.

You need encouragement and proof of God’s abilities and character and in God’s word you will find it again and again.  You will see that nothing is too hard or complicated for God to handle in ways that will ultimately bring blessings to you and yours. Remember, this is a journey of healing and it will not be easy; but, God will supply everything needed on this trip and will guide your steps to make it worth it all.

Helping your child  to want to make changes begins with you being willing to make changes in your own life. Somehow and in some way, your actions, words, expectations, or perspectives are enabling your child  to stay where they are right now. Ask God to help you allow your child to assume the responsibility for their own behaviors and to be able to let them suffer all the consequences that come naturally from what they are doing and saying.

At one point in my son’s life, I told him that I could no longer parent him. It was beyond my knowledge and abilities.  But, I knew God was entirely capable. I told my son that I was giving him completely to God. I was giving God permission to do whatever was necessary to discipline and train him. I was taking my hands off and allowing God to do what I could not do. If your child has any understanding of God’s power and desire for all to be saved, your child will have much to think about. Fear of God can be a wonderful motivator and is the beginning of wisdom.

Then concentrate on yourself. Find ways to learn effective communication skills that enable you to state your needs and wants clearly, kindly and firmly with confidence and not apology. Make every effort to understand the importance of personal boundaries in your life. This may mean that you seek individual or group counseling to learn these skills and be emotionally supported as you make necessary changes. If you are someone who can learn and apply what you read and have the support of a mentor, you may find these two books very helpful:  Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend and How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

I am convinced of this: If you do not first begin with yourself and change what God’s Spirit leads you to change, do not expect your child to change either. When we have changed our attitudes and responses, old and familiar patterns of behavior no longer “work” for our child. It is then they will have to do something different, too.

They are ALWAYS watching you and learning from you. You will forever be their greatest teacher for their good or for their demise. So, teach them well. Strive to learn from the best because you are leading by your example.

We are showing the way knowing that this life is not about this life. It is about the eternity destiny of our self and our children.