“The more a man knows, the more he forgives.”
– Anonymous

“But those who obey God’s Word really do love Him. That is the way to know whether or not we live in Him.”
– I John 2:5

Past Questions of the Month:

Hope and Assurance

This website was created for those acquainted with mental illness and in need of hope and assurance.

Question of the Month

If you have a question that you would like addressed, or have comments or suggestions, please let me hear from you. Contact: carolyn@hopeandassurance.com

If someone is depressed and they want to help themselves, what do you suggest they work on first?

This is a wonderful question.  It shows that you understand that we can help ourselves. We can learn skills and acquire insights that will give us newfound confidence and strength. We do not have to be victims controlled by our emotions and thoughts with no hope of life getting any better.

Forgiving someone who has wronged us is a universal need because of everyone’s fallibility as humans and refusing to forgive has the potential to ruin our emotional health. The serious dangers of an unforgiving spirit are understood well as Ephesians 4:26 cautions us when angry, not to sin; and not to let our wrath last until the sun goes down. It is not always possible to resolve all conflicts before the day ends and we go to bed but we do understand the urgent message to work relational problems out as quickly as we can.

In order to work problems out and eventually forgive, we must have the skills to resolve conflicts when they occur. Communicating our needs clearly is a must. Understanding where our responsibility ends and another’s begins involves establishing personal boundary lines. The book, Boundaries by Dr.’s Henry Cloud and John Townsend, teaches us the importance of limits in our relationships. Although, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, targets relationships with kids, it teaches invaluable communication skills that can help in all situations, regardless of age.

In their “Happiness is a Choice” video, Frank Minirth, M.D. and Paul Meier, M.D. state that if everyone knew how to resolve conflicts, they would be put out of business. They believe 90% of depression is caused from anger that has been turned inward rather than expressed openly and honestly in appropriate and healthy ways. This anger may be toward other people, ourselves and God. The Freedom From Depression Workbook  by Les Carter and Frank Minirth gives insight to depression to develop lasting change.

Seething anger, refusing to forgive, wanting to hurt the person who hurt us, and an unwillingness to see our role in the conflict are robbers and destroyers of everything good.  We will lose our joy in living and only be able to find momentary happiness. Physical and emotional problems will develop as we give more and more of our time and energy to thinking about what was done to us and what should be done to those that hurt us. In most instances, our beliefs feeding our anger are based, to varying degrees, on untruth or ignorance and misunderstandings. Open your heart and mind to want to listen to understand (not necessarily agree) because the truth will enable you to let go of the anger and desire to hurt back as understanding opens the door to empathy and compassion.

So, where do we begin when we find it hard to forgive or express our anger or deal with conflict in healthy ways?  We begin by telling God all about it. Talk to Him like a best Friend – the One you can say anything to and stay and talk as long as you want. This Friend’s love and faithfulness will never change because of what you say or do. This Person not only wants to help make things different for us but is actually able to do and change what we cannot.

Ask God for everything you need – no matter how trivial or insignificant it may seem to you - and look for and expect to receive it wherever you may be and whomever you are with, seek to find your answers (counseling, classes, books, tapes, internet etc.) and refuse to give up until you do and knock again and again on the hearts of those you trust as you listen for what God will say to you through them.

Read and think about God’s Word, the Bible, daily.  Get to know it well and apply it to the situations in your life.  Ask God to help you do this and to cleanse your heart and your life from everything that is not pleasing to Him. Everything that pleases Him is good for us and will help us prosper and do well. Get quiet and alone so you can recognize God’s touch impressing your mind and heart with wisdom and guidance.

Whatever your role in life is today, find what is right about it.  Learn to enjoy it and thank God for the opportunities you have been given. You are not where you are by accident.  There is a reason and there are things for you to learn.  If you miss it now, you’ll probably have to repeat it. It’s that important. Don’t forget, this life is not about this life. It’s all about where we will spend eternity.

Now, go forth! and grow into something good and someone beautiful. It's all there, already inside of you, just waiting to be set free. Its what you desire and God yearns to give you. Work unceasingly together as trusted intimate friends and He will give you the desires of your heart.