“In the depths of winter, I finally found there was in me an invincible summer.”
–Albert Camus, author

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
–Jesus, John 14:27

Past Questions of the Month:

Hope and Assurance

This website was created for those acquainted with mental illness and in need of hope and assurance.

Question of the Month

If you have a question that you would like addressed, or have comments or suggestions, please let me hear from you. Contact: carolyn@hopeandassurance.com

I do not believe it is necessary to look into our past in order to live well. The past is the past. It is over. We just need to live today. My friend says examining the past is the way to move on. What are your thoughts on this?

Sometimes the only way to get out of where we are is to turn back and begin retracing the steps of our life. It may be necessary to revisit people and situations that we have not thought of for a long time. Rarely, if ever, do we willingly allow ourselves to go back and reexperience the pain that could have destroyed us. Often, it is our present suffering that motivates us to do something we’ve never done before, especially when we feel totally vulnerable.  In our suffering and through our going back, we will find some very special gifts that can be found no other way.

Go back to where it all began and look at the situation and the people involved from the perspective of the person you are today.  Were you just a child then?  Children understand things as children – usually very different than someone older with much more experience in living. Children tend to see themselves as the center of everything.  Everyone seems to do everything in response to them.  So children may blame themselves for situations and decisions that were made by adults and over which they had absolutely no power or control. Children may blame innocent people and hide deep in their heart the too painful truth.

This is a sad, sad place for a child to be…lots and lots of hurts from the people who loved us most and nothing in the world a child can do to change it.  Now, as an adult, we can cry and grieve as long as we need to for that poor child…all that she lost…all that he never knew…all that she had to do just to survive…all the ways he learned to cope so he could endure just long enough to leave home…all that we were told about ourselves that was so very wrong…all the affronts to God our parents passed on to us by not revisiting their pain, choosing to let go and learn a better way…

Some of what we learned as children serves us well. Other beliefs and attitudes keep us stuck doing the very things we swore we would never do.  Going back to the past now as adults, husbands, wives, parents and grandparents allows us the perspective of gained experience and knowledge.  Some things we may simply let go of because of everyone’s human fallible condition. With others, we may need help to be able to let go and move on.

The silent hidden past constricts and binds our heart, mind and body with fear, anger, misunderstandings and untruths.  Everything about us and in us is affected with  telltale evidences.  We live by responding to fears and acting out deceptions that still shout to us from the past as we handle the problems and stresses in our daily relationships. When thinking about our past hurts, things are not always the way they seem to be. The willingness to understand and consider the realities and other possibilities behind loved ones decisions, words and attitudes gives us the freedom to let go and choose, heal,  grow strong and healthy and be a blessing to others.

It is best to go back with someone we trust to help us, support us, love us and speak God’s truth to us.  This may be a special friend, a mentor or a counselor that God has given us.  Our Heavenly Father is our all-knowing Counselor and our very best Friend.  He knows everything about us and knows the way out of our problems.  He is not limited in His ability to help us nor in His variety of methods to reach us and teach us. He loves us more than anyone and works in every situation for our ultimate good.  He waits patiently for our desire for help for He allows us the freedom to choose His help and love.  He does not disappoint or fail anyone, but rather, He delights and fulfills everyone who seeks to know Him personally and intimately.