“I walked a mile with Pleasure.
She chattered all the way,
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne’er a word said she;
But oh, the things I learned from her
When Sorrow walked with me.”
–Robert Browning Hamilton

“Casting the whole of your care – all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all – on Him; for He cares for you affectionately, and cares about you watchfully.”
–I Peter 5:7

Past Questions of the Month:

Hope and Assurance

This website was created for those acquainted with mental illness and in need of hope and assurance.

Question of the Month

If you have a question that you would like addressed, or have comments or suggestions, please let me hear from you. Contact: carolyn@hopeandassurance.com

I have had a loss in my life and I am so sad. I’m sure part of me is angry too because of the situation. Do you have any ideas that might help me?

I am sorry about your loss. Letting go can be so hard and accepting the inevitable changes does not come easily for any of us.

Sadness and anger often go together creating a tremendous burden. Sometimes it feels so heavy, we don’t know if we can bear it.

Carrying the weight of it can drain us of physical energy. We may sleep more or not be able to sleep. We may try to find comfort in food, drink or drugs. We may stare into space as the shock makes us unable to respond. Our mind may reel in disbelief as it struggles to come to grips with what has happened. We may find it impossible to carry out the demands of our daily life.

We may notice pain, tightness or discomfort in parts of our body. Fatigue may become too common. Our emotional pain is not separate from our physical pain. When we experience emotional stress, our physical body is also under stress. All of the many critical chemical relationships in our body respond to the crisis. An imbalance may eventually result if the demand is high and long-standing. Some glands may eventually become exhausted and unable to produce normally. A diet deficit in balanced nutrition only compounds the problems.

I want to encourage you to give yourself permission to let go of your sadness and anger. Let yourself feel. Let yourself respond appropriately to what has happened. It is not true that if you allow yourself to cry, you may never stop. Crying is a natural and very effective way to allow yourself to begin to heal.

Know that it is not a sign of strength to hold itall inside and struggle to appear under control. Rather, it may indicate that one does not understand it is a good thing to be human and fallible. It may be a way of trying to measure up and be good enough. God understands our human condition.  He sent His Son to die for sick sinners. His strength, mercy and goodness will show themselves best in our weakness and helplessness.

Not long ago, I felt sadness overwhelming me. A friend called and shared things she had done, other than crying, that helped her. Because this was uncomfortable for me, I asked God to help me and show me how to express it and get it out. I thought about women of old. Wailing was a common form of expressing grief. I wondered what wailing sounded like. So I began experimenting with wailing. Deep within my spirit, I heard the question, “How does sadness sound?”.  I knew it was God coaxing me to give my sadness a voice. As I made my sounds of sadness, I encouraged it to leave my body by pushing it out of my tight and nervous stomach. I stretched and twisted to help sadness leave. I told my body that it was not designed to carry such burdens.  My knees cannot support such weight. My shoulders ached from tightly holding all the sadness down in my stomach. I gave them permission to loosen and allow the sadness to escape.

I sang a song of sadness that had no words, only melody. It sounded just like I felt. It was good and it was right. I was being real. I was finally responding appropriately to the hurt I had experienced.

I’ve also torn up newspapers and gotten every word and thought down on paper. I’ve beat up my bed and pillows and taken a long, fast walk. Other suggestions are a hike in the woods, throwing a ball against a wall, switching a tree, and tearing up a pillow. Just get the anger out in ways that do not hurt you or others so it no longer robs you of health, sleep, energy and happiness.

Then, and this is necessary, if you intend to move on from where you are today and grow in wisdom and health. Admit your anger and sadness to someone you trust and allow them to love, comfort, and encourage you. Ask God to help you forgive where needed and to let go of all that hinders you. Allow Him to search your heart for what is not pleasing to Him. When we please Him, all is well with us. He made us; so He knows what is best for us. Ask Him to help you see through His eyes of compassion and mercy. What His eyes see and His heart shares can heal your deepest hurts and give you peace and rest.