Hope and Assurance

"The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry. Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the Lord delivers him out of them all."
–Psalm 34:15, 19

Hope and Assurance

This website was created for those acquainted with mental illness and in need of hope and assurance.

Question of the Month

If you have a question that you would like addressed, or have comments or suggestions, please let me hear from you. Contact: carolyn@hopeandassurance.com

My grown son believes I don’t love him. He won’t have anything to do with me. I know I’ve done things wrong; but, I am learning and changing and want to do what is right. He won’t listen to me because he already knows all the answers. What can I do to convince him of my love and help him understand he is wrong about so much?

I don’t know of anything that hurts like losing a child to misunderstanding, unforgiveness and anger and not being allowed to help. All I know is to share some about my similar struggles and to let you know that God cares and is right beside you all the way. Let Him be your best Friend, Counselor and Constant Help and seek out His people to love and care for you with compassion.

My child has been lost to me for over 20 years. All those years, my goal was to prove my love to her by doing, doing, doing whatever and whenever she asked. I knew my love for her would be obvious if I tried hard enough and just kept doing. For a few years, I was euphorically lulled into believing it’s all working out. The rolling eyes, the disapproving glances, the sizing up from head to toe and the arms hanging limp at her sides while I hugged her should have been my daily reality check. But, I saw what I wanted to see so that I could believe what I wanted to believe.

She is not physically dead but sometimes it feels like it. She refuses to have anything to do with me. It certainly compares to divorce. Our relationship for now is dead; but, when I see her, I still want to believe all is going to be well because she made some eye contact or she spoke a few words to me in a nice tone.

So, what do you do when someone you love so much wants nothing to do with you and their primary goal seems to be to hurt you? Do you keep trying to be in their life so that they will wake up and realize they were wrong all along? Do you continue living your life ready to be there for them because any moment now they will see the light?

It got to a point when I had to ask myself, who is the one here that needs help? My unhealthy actions scream out, “Sick, sick, sick!”, when I keep going back to be hurt more and refuse to stop doing for someone who doesn’t want me around.

I have chosen to respect her feelings and leave her alone. Her behavior shouts out this need and yet I plead with God that this is all over by morning or at least before my granddaughters are affected adversely. Could it be, God, that while she sleeps a dream could remind her of how much she loves me? Or could a stranger say something that pierces her heart and causes her to hurry home to make everything right with me?

Unfortunately, when someone you love dearly decides you are the problem and the best thing they can do to help themselves is to get away from you, there isn’t much left to do but leave them alone. Perhaps, the newfound quiet in their life can allow thoughts and words to penetrate that frustration and fighting blocked out before.

I will allow God to do His work in His way, unhindered by me. It’s time to move on with my own life and nurture myself by doing what excites me and surrounding myself with people who lovingly care about me.

The truth: I can only control my own choices. I cannot change anyone by what I do or say to them no matter how wise or kind. A person changes when they are convinced that doing or thinking differently is for their benefit and they are ready. If I continue to live for what may or may not happen in the future, I will find that I have missed the gifts of the present. I trust the future to my Heavenly Father Who is deserving of all of our trust. I am going to embrace what and who I have been given right now and love and care as deeply as I know how. I will make sorrow earn its keep as it burrows it’s home deep in my being. I will use it as my reason for giving and accepting joy and love wherever I go.

Somehow, I pray this helps. Life is hard; there’s no way around that. We can control our responses, and sometimes nothing more. We can look for God’s redemptive good because it is always there; and when we find it, hold on tightly and do not let go. God bless you with His most tender mercies as you find your way with His unfailing help.